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Jokes, Quotes & All That Good Stuff!From Lnscommunityradio
[edit] Winning a lotteryA man was Falling on hard times.He went to pray to god, "Oh god! I have lost my house and my wife and children are starving, please help me by letting me win the lottery." The lottery occured but another man won. The man again prays to god the next day, "Haven't I been faithful to you, please help me god, otherwise I will loose all my items and my children are already sick." The next day another man wins the lottery.... The man prays again, "Oh lord! Do you want me to see in such pain and agony, My wife is half-dead and my children are down with fever, please let me win the lottery.." After these words there was a rumbling sound from the sky and a voice boomed...... "Idiot! Buy the darned lottery ticket first!" HA HA HA HA HA
[edit] You might be CANADIAN if....If you are doubting if you are Canadian, take this quiz. 1. You like to drink beer when: a) Watching hockey b) Challenged to drinking games by friends c) When the boss is not looking d) Only on days that end in Y 2. You enjoy hockey: a) Enough to sleep outide in an edmonton winter for stanley cup tickets b) ALMOST enough to give up beer...Almost c) As much to carry a hockey stick in you vehicle, just in case a game of shinney breaks out d) So much as to hit anyone who says Wayne Gretzky is not Canadian 3. You will back out of going to your own wedding if: a) You find out at the last minute your husband/wife hates hockey b) You find out at the last minute your husband/wife hates beer c) Your wedding is scheduled for game 7 of the Stanley Cup playoffs between 2 Canadian teams. If you felt the need to circle more than one answer for any or all of the qusetions, you are, in fact Canadian. HA HA HA HA HA
[edit] 50 dollars is 50 dollars!Morris and his wife Esther went to the state fair every year, and every year Morris would say, 'Esther, I'd like to ride in that helicopter. 'Esther always replied, 'I know Morris, but that helicopter ride is 50 dollars and 50 dollars is 50 dollars.' One year Esther and Morris went to the fair, and Morris said, 'Esther I'm 85 years old. if I don't ride that helicopter, I might never get another chance.' Esther replied, 'Morris that helicopter is 50 dollars and 50 dollars is 50 dollars.' The pilot over heard the couple and said, 'folks I'll make you a deal. I'll take the both of you for a ride; if you can stay quiet for the entire ride and not say a word I won't charge you! but if you say one word, it's 50 dollars.' Morris and Esther agreed and up they went. the pilot did all kinds of fancy manoeuvres, but not a word was heard. he did his dare devil tricks over and over again, but still not a word. When they landed, the pilot turned to Morris and said, 'by golly, I did everything I could to get you to yell out, but you didn't . I'm impressed!' HA HA HA HA HA
[edit] Marry Will or Marry Joe!SUSIE TOBIN FELL IN LOVE; SHE PLANNED TO MARRY JOE SHE WAS SO 'APPY 'BOUT IT ALL SHE TOLD HER PAPPY SO. PAPPY TOLD HER, SUSIE, MAID, YOU'LL HAVE TO FIND ANUDDER. I'D JUST AS SOON YOUR MA DON'T KNOW, BUT JOE IS YOUR 'ALF BRUDDER. SO SUSIE PUT ASIDE HER JOE AND PLANNED TO MARRY WILL, BUT AFTER TELLING PAPPY THIS, HE SAID, "DERE'S TROUBLE STILL. YOU CAN'T MARRY WILL, MY DEAR, AND PLEASE DON'T TELL YOUR MUDDER, BUT WILL AND JOE, AND SEVERAL MO' I KNOWS IS YOUR 'ALF BRUDDER. BUT MUDDER KNEW AND SAID, MY CHILD, JUST DO WHAT MAKES YOU 'APPY. MARRY WILL OR MARRY JOE. YOU HAIN'T NO KIN TO PAPPY.
[edit] God created CanadaOn the sixth day God turned to Archangel Gabriel and said: "Today I am going to create a land called Canada, it will be a land of outstanding natural beauty. It shall have tall majestic mountains full of mountain goats and eagles, beautiful sparkling lakes bountiful with bass and trout, forests full of elk and moose, high cliffs over-looking sandy beaches with an abundance of sea life, and rivers stocked with salmon." God continued, "I shall make the land rich in oil so as to make the inhabitants prosper, I shall call these inhabitants Canadians, and they shall be known as the most friendly people on the earth." "But Lord," asked Gabriel, "don't you think you are being too generous to these Canadians?" "Not really," replied God, "just wait and see the neighbours I am going to give them." HA HA HA HA HA
[edit] The Magician & the Parrot on Cruise ShipA magician worked on a cruise ship. The audience was different each week so the magician did the same tricks over and over again. There was only one problem: the Captain's parrot saw the shows each week and began to understand how the magician did every trick. Once he understood, he started shouting in the middle of the Show."Look, it's not the same hat!" or "Look, he's hiding the flowers under the table!" or "Hey, why are all the cards the ace of spades?" The magician was furious but couldn't do anything. It was, after all, the Captain's parrot. Then one stormy night on the Pacific while the magician was performing a magic show, the ship unfortunately sank, drowning almost all who were on board. The magician luckily found himself on a piece of wood floating in the middle of the sea with, as fate would have it ........ the parrot. They stared at each other with hatred but did not utter a word. This went on for a day.....
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